It is quite common for us adults to forget or even ignore the presence of children in the vicinity and consciously control what we say, how we act and generally speaking, how we carry ourselves. Children are excellent observers and the best imitators that can be. Whether you like it or not, children will pick up cues from how they see adults carry themselves and mould their own behavior accordingly. The foundation for our character today has roots to our childhood days. Character begins at home and that is something that we adults often tend to simply push to the side in the company of children.
Effect of Domestic Tension on Children
We all have trying moments in life that challenge our beliefs, test our patience and perseverance and holds our minds to ransom while taking life changing decisions for the family. A simple mismatch of opinions between parents in the presence of a child can subject them to stress. It may not be always possible to notice that the child is present before the argument begins, but it is important to take corrective action as soon as either parent notices that the child is present. The corrective action may be as simple as some sort of a warning signal to the other spouse about the child's presence. Such warnings must be listened to and the discussion should either stop or be postponed for a later time when the child is not around.
You see, children are inquisitive little angels and voracious learners. At the same time, like all human beings, they are usually resistant to change. If there is a change, they need an explanation. Without the explanation, their minds try to figure out what the change is all about and how it affects them. So if they are not used to watch quarreling parents in action, the fear of the unknown and uncharted waters grips their mind and that leads to stress. Stress in turn sends their delicate physiological and psychological health into an overdrive situation, which in turn can turn out to be the cause for childhood anxiety and childhood depression. Children growing up in families where parents and adults regularly engage in open and unrestricted heated (or even animated) conversations are known to develop stress related disorders in early childhood, which becomes a challenge to remedy later on in life. Children growing up in such environments are also known to develop an aggressive and self-centered attitude in life.
Domestic Violence
The perils of heated and animated conversation between parents and adults in the household score a new high when they turn into domestic violence in the presence or even the absence of children. It is evident that domestic violence inflicted on an adult in the presence of a child will impose severe stress on her mind. It is also evident how domestic violence on the child himself or herself could simply traumatize the young mind. But how does such turmoil in the absence of the child affect her mind?
Well, domestic violence most often than not will leave behind physical signs of distress that may be difficult to hide. A bruised lip, a black eye, broken bones that "just happened to develop out of the blue" is not an easy thing to lie about even for a rational adult. This is primarily because the victim of domestic violence is going through a stressful situation already. It takes more than Hollywood style acting skills to cover all of that grief-laden emotion up and concoct an explanation for a child when the obvious question is posed at a later time.
Children are also very good lie detectors - you may be lucky a few times to squeeze past the reasoning of the child's brain, but repetitive occurrence of domestic violence presents a pattern to the child. The mind will try to connect the events in the past and the doctored stories that were offered as explanation and will eventually determine the truth all by itself. Sounds unbelievable? It's just a matter of time when the child just figures out what's been going on in his absence and more often than not, the picture that emerges in his mind is not too far from the truth.
So as adults, we must be very careful about how we carry ourselves when we have children in our daily lives. We have a moral responsibility towards our children to provide a psychologically healthy environment to grow up and it takes a lot of sacrifice and rational thinking on our part on how we must "behave".
ไม่มีความคิดเห็น:
แสดงความคิดเห็น