During a divorce or separation process, a custody or parenting time evaluation is by nature an invasive and difficult process for both parents, regardless of who requested that it be done. While it is difficult to fathom having a stranger determine the best scenario for your children, if you and your partner cannot agree that both parents are fully fit to have custody, it is a definitive way to get a judgment that protects the best interests of your children. While this is a very trying time emotionally, it is very important for the process of evaluation that you get focused. Such evaluations can take months to complete, so it is important to get it started as soon as it is determined that it is needed. Here are 4 tips for effective presentation of your case for custody:
1. Report the facts. Avoid conjecturing or expanding on times, dates, and events. Stay truthful and do not embellish upon what you know objectively. Avoid being over emotional whenever possible. If you go into each session crying, the evaluator may begin to question your stability. Of course this is a difficult and traumatic time, but you want to stay as rational and focused on your child as possible.
2. Frame your concerns in terms of your perception of the impact or potential impact that your spouse's behavior has on your kids. For example, if you caught your partner doing drugs in your home, explain that you are concerned about your partner using in front of the children, being impaired while responsible for the children, or leaving drugs or drug paraphernalia where your children could find it. If your partner had an affair, express that this activity led to chaos and tension in the home, and this negatively impacted the children. If you feel your partner is abusive toward you personally, however, be sure you tell the evaluator that.
3. Be honest about your own shortcomings. It isn't easy to admit fault, but if you aren't honest, your partner will definitely talk about what you have done to the evaluator, and with his or her spin on it. When you do share this information about yourself, again frame it in terms of the children. Acknowledge that the action could have had, or had an impact on your children and that you will not do it again.
4. Keep the evaluator updated with relevant updates. Again, stick with facts and report in the context of the children's best interests. Email or call the evaluator right away, so that details are fresh in your mind. Report illegal, immoral, or otherwise damaging activities toward your children to the evaluator as soon as possible.
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